Hilariously Funny Quotes About Insurance 2019


Looking for best funny quotes about insurance for life insurance, car insurance, and health insurance customers and agents?

Here I’ve collect some the best funny quotes about insurance from different sources to put a smile on your face an make you laugh.

Find out some of the best funny quotes about insurance in different cateogories.


Funny Quotes On Insurance



  • “You know you’re getting old when your insurance company sends you a half calendar.” – Bertolt Brecht


  • “Actually lowering the cost of insurance would be accomplished by such things as making it harder for lawyers to win frivolous lawsuits against insurance companies.” – Thomas Sowell


  • “I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best.” – Jarod Kintz


  • “Good luck doesn’t last forever but Good insurance does.”


  • “Insurance companies sell what might happen tomorrow. Historians sell what certainly happened yesterday.” – Mokokoma Mokhonoana



  • “A chance to see exactly how creative you can be with the truth is called insurance.”


  • “People who live in glass houses should take out insurance.”


  • “Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.” Ambrose Bierce


  • “You don’t need to pray to God any more when there are storms in the sky, but you do have to be insured.”


  • “Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.”


  • “Religion is insurance in this world against fire in the next.”


  • “A big part of financial freedom is having your heart and mind free from worry about the what-ifs of life.” Suze Orman


  • “Needing insurance is like needing a parachute – if it isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing it again.”



Funny Quotes About Life Insurance



  • “Insurance is the only product that both the seller and buyer hope is never actually used.”


  • “I don’t have life insurance because I’m going out of this world the way I came into it… as a burden to my family.”


  • “Life insurance is a policy that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich.”


  • “The difference between a whole life policy and a man is that the whole life policy eventually matures.”


  • “Female spiders eat the male spiders after mating – they know collecting life insurance is easier than child support.”


  • “Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.” –  Kin Hubbard


  • “The hardest thing to sell to a ghoul is Life insurance.”


  • “There are worse things in life than death – have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”



  • “My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other — so now it’s just a waiting game.”


  • “Getting life insurance is like making a bet you can’t win. If you live, you don’t get the money. If you die, you don’t get to enjoy the money.” Oliver Gaspirtz


 Funny Quotes About Health Insurance


  • “Everyone should have health insurance? I say everyone should have health care. I’m not selling insurance.”-  Dennis Kucinich



  • “Some people do not afford a healthy diet and lifestyle because of their health insurance.” – Mokokoma Mokhonoana


  • “A tremendous amount of needless pain and suffering can be eliminated by ensuring that health insurance is universally available.” – Daniel Akaka


  • “Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease.”


  • “Yes I could improve my attitude but my insurance doesn’t cover these meds.”


  • “Wouldn’t it be nice if cover retail therapy with health insurance?”


  • “I don’t have health insurance but I have car insurance. So whenever I get sick I go and crush my car in a tree.”


Funny Car Insurance Quotes



  • “I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.”


  • “Would Transformers buy life insurance or car insurance?”


  • “You don’t need miracles in the west. You have insurance.”  – Brother Yun


  • “I hit the gym today but i drive away because i don’t have the car insurance.”


  • “I just saved a shitload of money on my car insurance by switching to not pay the bill.”


  • “A funny game to play with car insurance companies is to see how long you keep them on the phone before they realize you’re trying to insure the Batmobile.”


  • “I am able to saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to wine and not leaving my house.”



Funny Quotes About Insurance Agents



  • “Why won’t sharks attack brokers… professional courtesy.”


  • “Do you know how to get an actuary to laugh on a Thursday – tell them a joke on a Monday.”


  • “Actuaries do it until death, disability or withdrawal.”


  • “Insurance agents are premium lovers.”


  • “Can atheists claim on their insurance if it really was an Act of God?”


  • “Insurance agents do it with third parties.”


  • “Arguing with an insurance adjuster is like wrestling a pig in the mud… After a while, you realize that he likes it.”


  • “An actuary is flexible; they are either right, or can prove it to be so.”


These were the best funny quotes about insurance to make you laugh. Share these funny life, health and car insurance quotes to your friends and insurance agents to make them laugh and motivated.


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