Looking for hilariously funny quotes about health? Maintaining good health should be the primary focus of everyone. Here are some funny quotes about health and some funny quotes about healthcare which will help you motivate maintaining your health and give you laughter:
Funny Quotes About Health
- Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful. Denis Diderot
- The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d druther not. Mark Twain
- If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer. Clement Freud
- Just because you’re not sick doesn’t mean you’re healthy.
- I recently applied for a part-time job at a mental hospital. now i’m there full-time and they won’t let me leave.
- From the bitterness of disease, man learns the sweetness of health.
- So you’re telling me there’s a place called GYM, where people pay to do hard work?
- We drink one another’s health and spoil our own. Jerome K. Jerome
- Be careful about reading health books. you may die of a misprint. Mark Twain
- So many people spend their health gaining wealth, and then have to spend their wealth to regain their health.
- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Redd Foxx
- I did not become a vegetarian for my health, I did it for the health of the chickens.
Read More: Funny Gym and Fitness Quotes
Funny Quotes About Health And Wellness
- My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. Milton Berle
- Feed your muscles right and they’ll come back for more.
- To get rich never risk your health. for it is the truth that health is the wealth of wealth. Richard Baker
- Older people shouldn’t eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get. Robert Orben
- The best activities for your health are pumping and humping. Arnold
- Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches. V.L. Allineare
- I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. John Mortimer
- Those obsessed with health are not healthy; the first requisite of good health is a certain calculated carelessness about oneself. Sydney J. Harris
- I see rejection in my skin, worry in my cancers, bitterness, and hate in my aching joints. I failed to take care of my mind, and so my body now goes to hospital. – Astrid Alauda
- There’s lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven’t the time to enjoy it. Josh Billings
- Bacteria keeps us from heaven and puts us there. Martin H. Fischer
Read more: Funny Quotes For Nurses
Funny Quotes About Health Care
- Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin
- Working in health care like working retail, but every single customer is hungry,in pain, sleep-deprived and has expectations on par with the service at a 7-Star resort. Also, everything is beeping.
- Coding a record and during the admission, the patient refused to drink out of the water jug because she was convinced they also used them as men’s urinal bottles!
- Never ask a surgeon whether you need an operation. Kocher
- Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Dave Barry
- In a hospital they throw you out into the street before you are half cured, but in a nursing home they don’t let you out till you are dead.
- While doing a neuro check on a new admit on the renal unit I asked a patient if he could tell me where he was. He said with all seriousness ” Yes, I’m at the bottom of Hell, and I hope they serve cold beer here.”
- Great hospitals do two things. They look after patients, and they teach young doctors. We look after clients, and we teach young advertising people. David Ogilvy
- First, need in the reform of hospital management? That’s easy! The death of all dietitians, and the resurrection of a French chef. Martin H. Fischer
My doctor gave me six months to live but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more. Matthau
- Once had a VA patient that came to the ER for chest pain. He said he had tried putting “one of them nuclear explosions under his tongue and that helped some.” I assume he meant nitroglycerine.
- I see rejection in my skin, worry in my cancers, bitterness, and hate in my aching joints. I failed to take care of my mind, and so my body now goes to the hospital. –Astrid Alauda
- The hospital that feeds you refined sugar, white bread, canned soup, bouillon cubes, and frozen vegetables should be closed by the health department as a menace to the public health.
- Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Erma Bombeck
- Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them. – Martin H. Fischer
- A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier’s office. Francis Owalsh
- If you don’t take care of yourself, the undertaker will overtake that responsibility for you. Carrie Latet
- My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they’re in August.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away but if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.
- During surgery: “God performs miracles. I don’t.
- Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals. Bonaparte
- Cure the disease and kill the patient. Bacon
- Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. Kocher
- The practice of medicine is a thinker’s art, the practice of surgery a plumber’s. Martin H
- After these two, Dr. Diet and Dr. Quiet, Dr. Merriman is requisite to preserve health.
These were the best quotes about health and healthcare. I hope you like these quotes and always take care of your health as it is the most precious gift from God. Don’t forget to share with your friends and also share your favorite funny quotes about health in a comment section below.