2019 Funny Christmas Quotes For Laughter

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It’s that time of the year again. Jingle bells – Jingle bells – Jingle all the way! Thinking about sending funny Christmas quotes to your loved ones. It’s actually the right time to share funny holiday season quotes, memes, one liners and pictures.

Wondering what are the funniest quotes ever to send on Christmas? We’ve got a 100 of them for you! Write them in a Christmas card, greeting card or share them online.


Funny Christmas Quotes:

 




1.

christmas-pictures-quotes-and-sayings

 

“Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You’re getting clothes and a Bible for this Christmas.”

2.

“What did you get for Christmas? Fat. I got Fat.”

3.

“Time to get into the Christmas Spirit.. whiskey, gin, tequila, vodka and rum.”

4.

“Dear Santa, I can explain.”

5.

“Christmas is too sparkly..said no one ever.”

6.

“Christmas really changes when you get older. It’s like “What do you want?” I don’t know.. A mortgage payment? Lower taxes? A nap would be nice.”

7.

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.”

8.

“Dear Lord, Please don’t let my husband be home when all my online orders arrive.”

9.

“All I want for Christmas is you. Just kidding, I want wine.”

10.

“Christmas – the only time of the year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.”





11.
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“Dear Santa, just leave your credit card under the tree.”

12.

“I’m trying to get into the Christmas spirit, but the damn bottle don’t open.”

13.

“Three purchases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on earth, goodwill to men and batteries not included.”

14.

“Dear Santa, before I explain, how much do you know already?”

15.

“Dear Santa, please give me a fat bank account and a slim body. And please don’t mix them up like you did last year.”

16.

“Gonna go lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family I am a gift.”

17.

“All is fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.”

18.

“It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my festive Christmas anxiety.”

19.

“If you’re someone who has left my life. Please do not bother hitting ‘Merry Christmas’ text, you are dead to me. “

20.

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if white runs out I’ll drink the red.”

21.

“The tree isn’t the only thing getting lit this year.”

22.

“Do not blame the holidays, you were fat in August.”





23.
sayings-for-christmas-greetings

“I don’t want much for Christmas. I just want the person reading this to be healthy, happy and loved. Wishing you snowflakes, friendship and winter cheer.”

24.

“Wrap empty boxes for presents and when your child misbehaves or doesn’t listen, throw one in fire.”

25.

“Dear Santa, I have been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I will buy my own stuff.”

26.

“You are the happy to my holiday Jingle in my bells  Nut to my cracker. Fruit to my cake. Present under my tree Wish to my star Home for my holiday Candy to my cane Kiss under the milestone holly to my jolly Winter to my wonderland Ginger to my bread Milk to my cookie Joy to my world Star on my tree Love of my life.”

27.

“Sweet but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane.”

28.

“When you stop believing in Santa, you get underwear.”

29.

“Dear Santa, when you get here, could you please throw a  quick load in the washer, vacuum the carpets and wash your cookie plate? Thanks.”

30.

“It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.”

31.

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.”

32.

“The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

33.

“Is your house on fire Clark? No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.”

34.

“Dear Santa, I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.”





35.
christmas-sayings-for-family-and-friends

“Why is Christmas just like a day in office? You do all the work and a fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.”

 

36.

“Be naughty, save Santa the trip.”

37.

“Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observers, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”

38.

“People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.”

39.

“Only a few more shopping days left until your loved ones find out how little you understand them.”

40.

“It’s all fun and games till Santa checks the naughty list.”

41.

“I wanted to send you something amazing but the postman told me to get out of the mail box.”

42.

“On the first day of Christmas your true love gave to you…Nothing. Because you’re single.”

43.

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.”

44.

“All I want for Christmas is ewe.”

45.

“Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.”

46.

“Peace love joy and Ho-Ho-Ho, wrap those presents and Go-Go-Go!”





47.
short-cute-christmas-sayings

 

“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.”

48.

“Nobody’s leaving nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas.”

49.

“Avoid drinking too much at the office Christmas party by drinking too much before the office Christmas party.”

50.

“No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.”

51.

“Dear Santa, I’m writing  to let you know that I’ve been naughty this year. And it was so worth it.”

52.

“Merry Christmas! Here’ to another year of us laughing at our own jokes, dealing with stupid people and keeping each other sane.”

53.

“The jolliest bunch of elves are this side of the nuthouse.”

54.

“I don’t know what to say except It’s Christmas and we’re all in a misery.”

55.

“From the one who endures your fart and still love you anyway.”

56.

“Christmas is cancelled. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year. He died laughing.”

57.

“Nothing says Merry Christmas like a piece of card folded in half.”

58.

“Marry Christmas from your favorite financial burden.”

59.

“You are so hard to buy gifts for. So just enjoy this carefully selected Christmas card and the joy of having me in your life.”

 

60.

“You and I are sisters. Always remember that  if you fall I will help you up – as soon as I finish laughing.”

61.

“I’d walk through a fire for you. Well not fire because it’s dangerous. But a super humid room. But no too humid, because my hair.”

62.

” Christmas really changes when you get older. It’s like “What do you want?” I don’t know, A mortgage payment? Lower taxes? A nap would be nice.”

63.

“When I think about you, I touch my elf.”

64.

“Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas. “

65.

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. “

 




These were a bundle of all time best funny Christmas quotes. Share it with your friends and family. They will be laughing out loud reading these Christmas pictures, quotes and sayings. Leave a comment below if you have any hilarious Christmas quotes to share with us. Cheers!

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