Famous And Funny Winston Churchill Quotes To Inspire You



Looking for famous and funny quotes from Winston Churchill? Here I’ve collected some of the best Famous and Funny Winston Churchill Quotes categorized in different categories such as democracy, WWII, history, leadership, change, integrity, success and much more to keep you inspired and motivated.


Who was Winston Churchill & why His Quotes are so Famous?

Winston Churchill (1874-1965) was not only known as one of greatest British Prime Minister but also known as a soldier, journalist, prolific author, politician and statesman during the first half of the 20th century.

He won a Nobel Prize in Literature for his speech-making in 1953. During his life of 90 years, Winston Churchill had many opportunities to influence world events but he is well known due to his leadership skill in World War II to keep the morale of his nation high.

While facing so many successes and failures in life and being a natural statesman and Author Winston Churchill’s expressed his words of wisdom during his speeches to keep the people inspired.


Here are some of the best funny and famous Willson Churchill quotes:



Funny Winston Churchill Quotes



  • The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.


  • If you are going through hell, keep going.


  • We (The British) have not journeyed across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy.


  • A joke is a very serious thing.


  • I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.


  • A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.


  • A good speech should be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.


  • The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.


  • A lady came up to me one day and said ‘Sir! You are drunk,’ to which I replied ‘I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.



  • They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds.


  • Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people’s idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.


  • There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.


  • I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.


  • Lady Astor: “Winston, if I were your wife I’d put poison in your coffee.”

    Winston Churchill: “Nancy, if I were your husband I’d drink it.”



Famous Winston Churchill Quotes



  • I no longer listen to what people say, I just watch what they do. Behavior never lies.


  • All the greatest things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom; justice; honour; duty; mercy; hope.


  • A nation that fails to honor its heroes soon will have no heroes to honor.


  • You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.


  • We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.


  • There is no such thing as public opinion. There is only published opinion.


  • The price of greatness is responsibility.


  • It is not enough that we do our best; sometimes we must do what is required.


  • Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.


  • When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.



  • This is no time for ease and comfort. It is time to dare and endure.


  • My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.


  • You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.


  • Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.


  • Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.


  • I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.


  • Broadly speaking short words are best and the old words when short, are best of all.


  • We shall not fail or falter. We shall not weaken or tire. Neither the sudden shock of battle nor the long-drawn trials of vigilance and exertion will wear us down. Give us the tools and we will finish the job.
  • We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


  • It’s not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what’s required.


  • If we open a quarrel between the past and the present we shall find that we have lost the future.



  • Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak, it’s also what it takes to sit down and listen.


  • Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.



Winston Churchill Quotes About Democracy & Socialism



  • It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.


  • The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.


  • The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.


  • Nothing can be more abhorrent to democracy than to imprison a person or keep him in prison because he is unpopular. This is really the test of civilization.



  • Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.


  • Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen.


Winston Churchill Quotes About WW2



  • A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, then asks you not to kill him.


  • In wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.
  • Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.


  • We sleep safely at night because rough men stand ready to visit violence on those who would harm us.
  • If Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favorable reference to the devil in the House of Commons.


  • If you will not fight for right when you can easily win without blood shed; if you will not fight when your victory is sure and not too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.


  • Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.
  • Those who can win a war well can rarely make a good peace and those who could make a good peace would never have won the war.


  • We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.

Winston Churchill Quotes About History



  • History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.



  • A nation that forgets its past has no future.


  • Study history, study history. In history lies all the secrets of statecraft.
  • History is written by the victors.


  • For my part, I consider that it will be found much better by all parties to leave the past to history, especially as I propose to write that history myself.


  • Want of foresight, unwillingness to act when action would be simple and effective, lack of clear thinking, confusion of counsel until the emergency comes, until self-preservation strikes its jarring gong – these are the features which constitute the endless repetition of history.


Winston Churchill Quotes On Leadership



  • A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.


  • We are all worms, But I do believe that I am a glow worm.


  • Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.


  • To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.


  • A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.


Winston Churchill Quotes On Integrity


  • It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.



  • There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.


  • To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day.


  • The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.


  • Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.


  • One ought never to turn one’s back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half.


  • Broadly speaking short words are best and the old words when short, are best of all.


  • Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities because it has been said, it is the quality which guarantees all others.


  • Attitude is a little thing that makes a BIG difference.


  • Writing a book is an adventure. To begin with it is a toy then an amusement. Then it becomes a mistress, and then it becomes a master, and then it becomes a tyrant and, in the last stage, just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster and fling him to the public.


  • We shape our dwellings, and afterward our dwellings shape us.


  • What is adequacy? Adequacy is no standard at all.


  • There is always much to be said for not attempting more than you can do and for making a certainty of what you try. But this principle, like others in life and war, has it exceptions.



Winston Churchill Quotes On Success



  • Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.


  • The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.


  • Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.


  • It is no use saying, ‘We are doing our best.’ You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.


  • Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential.


  • Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.


  • Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival.


  • The POSITIVE THINKER sees the INVISIBLE, feels the INTANGIBLE, and achieves the IMPOSSIBLE.


  • There is only one duty, only one safe course, and that is to try to be right and not to fear to do or say what you believe to be right.



Winston Churchill Quotes On Darkest hour



The Darkest Hour was a phrase used by Winston Churchill to describe the period of World War II  from June 1940 to June 1941. In his ‘finest hour’ speech, Churchill used the expression ‘the darkest hour in French history’ to describe the invasion of France by Germany that was then proceeding.



  • Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.


  • The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.


  • Those who never change their minds never change anything.


  • I never worry about action, but only inaction.



  • Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential.


  • Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.


  • Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.


  • Personally I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.


  •  Nations that go down fighting rise again and those that surrender tamely are finished.


  • Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.


  • You can not reason with a tiger when your head is in its mouth.


  • I’m getting the job only because the ship is sinking. It’s not a gift, it’s revenge.


These were the all-time best famous and funny quotes from Winston Churchill. Share this with your friends to motivate them. Drop a comment below of your favorite Winston Churchill quotes.

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